Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize