It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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