my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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