She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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