Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
no you cant smoke seaweed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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