Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
