Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
