Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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