So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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