You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
