I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize