Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
