That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
