If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
