Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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