for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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