nut hugger
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
