How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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