Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
sex in a hospital.. check
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
