I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
