Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
