She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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