I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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