I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
