everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just high enough for therapy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
