My pussy is not your playground.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
