like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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