K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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