the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
