My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
