Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
