I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
too bad you live with your parents still
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
In America we eat man semen.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
