How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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