I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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