she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
