part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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