theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
