i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
