I hope mine doesn't look like that
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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