I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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