omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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