Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
