Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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