am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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