Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize