If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
