Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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