can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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