On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
