so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
