Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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