does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
