I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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