I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize