i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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