it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
