How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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