Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My hand turned me down
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Bring me that man meat
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
