I should be sponsored by Trojan
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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