thus making me awesome and them whores
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
