He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
