nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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