your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
