he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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