I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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