He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do vagina's smell?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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