what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
