do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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