all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
