Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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