I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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