First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize