Can i not drive my cunt home
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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