Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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