Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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