yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
