Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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