no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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