I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
