i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
they're like a gay fantastic four
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
