Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
