Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
