Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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