I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
