i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just found puke in my bra..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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