I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
