I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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