My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
