I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
