As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize