I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
