Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
