Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You smell like stripper and shame
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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