New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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