$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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