O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im holly from the hills drunk
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
