The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i now understand why vodka
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
