you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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