Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
