She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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