i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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