remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
