I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize