16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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