I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
