Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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