Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
