My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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