Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
