one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
